Parenting is a rewarding but complex journey. While most parents strive to provide love and security for their children, the patterns and behaviours they experienced in their own childhood can unknowingly shape how they parent. The Circle of Security program offers a practical framework to help parents better understand their child’s emotional needs while fostering a deeper awareness of their own parenting triggers. This evidence-based approach is helping families worldwide break the cycle of unhealthy patterns and create a more secure foundation for their children.
Understanding Your Own Parenting Triggers
Every parent faces moments of frustration, confusion, or emotional overwhelm. These reactions are often influenced by unconscious triggers rooted in past experiences. The Circle of Security program encourages parents to identify and understand their triggers. By reflecting on what prompts emotional reactions—whether it’s a child’s tantrum or a perceived rejection—parents can move from automatic responses to thoughtful, compassionate engagement. This shift helps reduce reactive behaviours, fostering a more stable and secure environment for children.
A study with 75 mother-child pairs found that the Circle of Security program significantly improved how toddlers and preschoolers from high-risk backgrounds bonded with their main caregivers (Hoffman et al. 2006).
Understanding these triggers is not about blaming parents for their reactions but about empowering them to change. By exploring their emotional responses, parents gain the ability to pause, reflect, and respond in a more supportive manner. This self-awareness is a critical first step in fostering secure attachment and emotional safety for their child.
How Childhood Experiences Shape Your Parenting Style
Our childhood experiences play a profound role in how we parent. Unresolved trauma or attachment wounds can unconsciously influence how we respond to our children’s needs. The Circle of Security framework recognises that while parents are doing their best, their own early attachment experiences shape their ability to offer security.
For instance, a parent who experienced emotional neglect may struggle to respond consistently to their child’s emotional needs. Conversely, a parent who grew up in a supportive environment may find it easier to offer comfort and reassurance. The program provides tools to help parents recognise these patterns and shift toward more secure and responsive caregiving. By acknowledging and addressing their past, parents can become more attuned to their child’s emotional cues, breaking the cycle of insecure attachment.
One of the most valuable insights from the program is the concept that “good enough” parenting is sufficient. Parents do not need to be perfect; instead, they need to be attuned to their child’s needs most of the time. This realistic approach alleviates pressure while promoting consistency and emotional connection.
Additionally, the program emphasises the importance of repair. No parent can always respond perfectly, but when misattunement happens, the ability to repair—by acknowledging the mistake and reconnecting emotionally—strengthens the parent-child bond and fosters resilience.
Moving from Reacting to Responding to Your Child’s Needs
One of the core principles of the Circle of Security is understanding the difference between reacting and responding. Reacting is often impulsive and driven by emotional triggers, while responding involves thoughtful consideration of a child’s needs.
The program teaches parents to recognise their child’s emotional cues and respond with sensitivity and care. This approach promotes a secure attachment, which is essential for healthy emotional and social development.
Practical strategies from the Circle of Security program include:
- Being “Bigger, Stronger, Wiser, and Kind”: Offering a balance of support and leadership.
- Following the Child’s Needs: Recognising when a child seeks comfort or exploration.
- Holding the Child’s Emotions: Validating and supporting a child’s feelings without judgment.
By implementing these strategies, parents create a safe environment where children feel seen, heard, and understood.
Another critical element involves understanding a child’s “Circle.” Children need the freedom to explore while knowing they can return to their caregiver for comfort. The Circle of Security visual model highlights how parents can support their child’s independence while remaining a secure base and a safe haven. This dual role helps children develop confidence and emotional regulation.
A study on the home-visiting version of the Circle of Security program in Washington focused on economically stressed mothers with irritable newborns who were at risk of developing insecure attachment (Cassidy, Woodhouse et al. 2011). Mothers who participated in the program showed a significant reduction in the likelihood of their babies developing insecure attachment patterns.
When parents shift from reacting to responding, they model emotional regulation and thoughtful communication. This approach not only improves the immediate parent-child relationship but also fosters long-term emotional health and resilience in children.
The Role of Self-Compassion in Parenting
Parenting can be emotionally demanding, and it’s easy to be self-critical when things don’t go as planned. The Circle of Security program encourages parents to practice self-compassion. This means recognising that mistakes are part of the parenting journey and treating oneself with kindness during challenging moments.
Practicing self-compassion can look like:
- Acknowledging Your Efforts: Recognising that parenting is challenging and that doing your best matters.
- Letting Go of Perfection: Accepting that mistakes happen and focusing on repairing and reconnecting.
- Seeking Support: Reaching out for help when needed and knowing that no parent is meant to navigate this journey alone.
By embracing self-compassion, parents create a nurturing environment not only for their children but also for themselves, fostering emotional resilience and well-being.
How the Program Supports Parents on Their Journey
The Circle of Security program is designed to be supportive and non-judgmental. It acknowledges that parenting is challenging and that no parent is perfect. Through a combination of group sessions, guided reflections, and evidence-based practices, the program helps parents build secure attachment relationships with their children.
Key benefits of the Circle of Security program include:
- Enhanced Parent-Child Bond: Improved emotional connection and trust.
- Better Emotional Regulation: Parents learn to manage their own emotions effectively.
- Reduced Parenting Stress: Increased confidence and competence in handling challenges.
Parents often find the group format reassuring. Sharing experiences with other caregivers fosters a sense of community and reduces feelings of isolation. Guided reflections allow parents to consider how their upbringing influences their current parenting style, while practical tools offer immediate strategies for fostering secure attachment.
Moreover, the program adapts to diverse family situations, acknowledging cultural and personal differences. Whether parenting a newborn, toddler, or older child, the core principles remain applicable and effective across developmental stages.
Breaking the Cycle: A Path to Healing
Breaking intergenerational cycles of insecurity and emotional disconnection is not easy, but it is possible. The Circle of Security program empowers parents to become more reflective, responsive, and emotionally available to their children. By understanding their triggers, addressing past experiences, and responding with intention, parents can foster a secure and nurturing environment.
Healing within the parent-child relationship extends beyond the present moment. Children raised with secure attachments are more likely to develop healthy relationships, emotional resilience, and a strong sense of self-worth. By engaging in the Circle of Security program, parents contribute to their child’s emotional foundation and create a legacy of love and security.
If you’re ready to break the cycle and build stronger, more connected relationships with your child you can find out more information on the Circle of Security course, or contact Medsana Medical Clinic today. Our team is here to guide and support you every step of the way.
Source
Cassidy, J., Woodhouse, S., Sherman, L., Stupica, B., & Lejuez, C. (2011). Enhancing infant attachment security: An examination of treatment efficacy and differential susceptibility. Journal of Development and Psychopathology, 23(131), 148.
Hoffman, KT., Marvin, RS., Cooper, G. & Powell , B. (2006). Changing toddlers’ and pre-schoolers’ attachment classifications: The circle of security intervention. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology 74(6), 1017-1026.